Dear Boy,
How I wish I could tell you these things in person. How I wish I could articulate the things running through my mind, to make you understand what I'm feeling. I want so desperately for things to work out between us. But I'm faced with this crippling fear that they won't.
I'm trying so hard for you, to make you happy. I'm trying to at least pretend interest in the things that bring you joy. I'm trying to keep conversation going so that you don't have to fill the awkward silence. On top of keeping you happy, I'm worried about how everyone else around me is feeling. I'm trying to do my best at work to keep my coworkers happy. I'm trying to keep my friends happy. I'm so busy trying to keep everyone else happy that the happiness is draining from me. Before, other people's happiness used to bring me joy too. Tonight as I expressed a little bit of my insecurities, you started off on me trying to tell me how I can overcome them. Did you ever stop and think for one second that I know exactly how to overcome them?? I told you when
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