I'm insecure.
It's part of who I am. Some days I feel on top of the world, beautiful and smart and all that jazz, remembering that I am a daughter of God. Other days, especially this past week being away from you, it's easy to forget. It's easy to get caught up in my insecurity, not knowing if I'm good enough for you. And it's silly, because as a daughter of God, I should remember that I AM good enough, that I have worth and value. But when I can't read your thoughts and know exactly how you feel about me, I let my imagination take over. I begin to think that the way I view the world and how I interact with it isn't good enough for you. That it's weird and that it will drive you away. I'd like to think that you would like my real self. You've practically begged me to talk more, to tell you more about myself. That's something that's never come easy to me. I'm a natural born observer. I love to watch the world around me and struggle to become an active participant in it. You, on the other hand, seem to take so much joy from jumping in feet first. You have this drive to make lasting friendships that have deep meaning, while I, on the other hand, am content to make pleasant small talk and move on.
The saying is that opposites attract, but I'm worried that our personalities are too opposite for me to keep you around for much longer. Maybe it's the distance in miles over the break and the fact that we can't see each other in person everyday, but I'm scared of losing you. You call and we talk for an hour or so, but I've yet to hear a positive affirmation that you truly like me. I want this relationship to work out, but I'm afraid of messing things up. I've never had this serious of a relationship before. I've never had this serious of a friendship before. I'm not sure how to let people into the deep recesses of my mind, because I'm afraid that they'll be afraid of what they find there.
I know that insecurity isn't a trait that only I have, but it's one of those things people don't like to share with each other. They're absolutely positive that only they experience this sort of thing. But it's not true. We all face it. We just have to realize that and come together to help each other overcome it. Sure we could beat insecurity on our own, but when you look at where insecurity comes from, doesn't it make sense to have people help us overcome this beast? Insecurity is the fear that we aren't as good as other people or that we aren't good enough in general. It happens when we compare ourselves. So when we have a good support team reaffirming things that we already know, {i.e. that we're smart, beautiful, talented, funny, etc.} it makes it easier for us to remember. We've become a society that worries about what others think about us. So we need to surround ourselves with a great group of friends that will pick us up on our bad days.
My challenge to you, dear reader, is to go out and be that friend. Spread words of affirmation. Let people know how much you care about them. They may already know it, but it's wonderful to get little reminders. Don't ever miss out on the opportunity to let someone know how much you care.
