My Little Boat

I picture myself on my own little boat in this sea called life. There are times where the sun shines happily on my little boat as a soft breeze pushes me forward and I am happy and content at the wheel. Then there are other times where there is a look of stern concentration upon my brow as the waters around me are choppy and I can see sharks and killer whales breaching the surface near my cute little boat. Then there are still other times where my face is determined and my hands clenched tight to the wheel of my boat as wave after wave washes over us. My storms of life seem to come close together, with very brief periods of sunshine between. However, I like to imagine my face stays determined after each wave and after each storm. I like to think that I shout at the storm, through the rain beating on my face, as I swallow sea water from the last wave, "Is that the best you got? I can handle that!" I like to think that my hands stay firm on the wheel of my little boat, determined to continually steer us back towards Heavenly Father. No matter how many times the waves of depression and anxiety come against me, I will be steadfast and not be overcome. Try as they might, I won't let them drag me down. I will continue to fight against my anxiety and depression, and against the Adversary who uses them against me.

#fightselfishness

Today has been another rough one. I had almost all of last week off because of Thanksgiving. The original plan was to have that time off to go up to Wisconsin with a boyfriend. It's great to have a plan, but plans are always changing. Since the Wisconsin trip was called off due to us breaking up, I decided it would be nice to have that time off anyways to recuperate and do something else for a change. It was a good idea, but getting back into work this morning was a challenge and I just felt off the whole day and it was kind of discouraging. I suppose I'm too much of a perfectionist and I need to be more patient with myself. But I couldn't shake the feeling and it finally caught up with me after the YSA stake activity this evening and I couldn't take it anymore. So I called up my friend Sparky to talk about it with him.

I'm grateful for friends like Sparky, who will walk with you in single digit temperatures as you ball your eyes out because you can't figure out this feeling inside you. I'm grateful for them because every once in a while you need to focus on yourself. But that doesn't mean that you should always focus on yourself. This life is about others and how you can help them. My patriarchal blessing says that the best way for me to fight my depression is for me to lose myself in the service of others. So tonight I wrote myself this little note to help me remember that.

My daily goal is to actively seek out people to serve and to make a difference in someone's life everyday. I chose the #fightselfishness because I know that as I continually seek  to help others, my life will be improved. Truly we come to find ourselves as we lose ourselves in the service of God and our fellow men. I just need a little reminder of that from time to time. So I will place this note on my bedroom wall and continue my fight against depression as I continue to better the world, one person at a time.