Forever Changed

The sisters that I went into the MTC with returned home last week. They served the full 18 months. I'm not going to lie, it hurt my heart and self-esteem knowing that I wouldn't be with them. I still struggle, even after 9 months of being home. Even after 2 jobs, 1 move, 1 ex-boyfriend, 1 current boyfriend and numerous memories and learning experiences, it still hurts to know that I didn't serve as long as they did, and I still feel as though I did something wrong.

But I took a step back tonight and realized how blessed I truly am to have come home after "only" 9 months in the mission field. I was able to attend my little brother's graduation ceremony, watch him open his own mission call and enter the MTC. I obtained my first real job and started saving money for college. I was able to be a part of my very bestest friend's wedding. I dated a couple good guys and learned some valuable things about myself and about dating. I'm dating a wonderful, amazing guy right now who is still teaching me things about myself and about dating. I've saved up enough money to get through a semester of college. I've had humbling, testimony building experiences and through it all, I've still been able to share the gospel. I only needed 9 months in Alabama to learn things that have affected the rest of my life.

This has definitely been a year that I did not plan. I said I never would serve a mission before I got married, but the Lord had other plans. I said that I would serve the full 18 months of a mission, but the Lord had other plans for me. I set my sights on a particular young man, but once more the Lord had other plans. The Lord has spent this year guiding me and I've noticed it even more so than I have in my past because I was actively listening to the Holy Ghost, a skill that I fine-tuned on my mission. It has been a year of ups and downs, highs and lows. I've learned so much about myself and how strong I can be, but more importantly, I have come to truly understand how much my Father in Heaven loves me. I know this because of the year I've had and how He has been there every step of the way. His love for me is in this big trial and the little ones along the way because I get up each morning and, to some degree, I am able to face my day. I am so grateful for His strength.

I know I'll never return to Alabama with my nametag on my blouse. That chapter of my story ended awhile ago. And as most people are at the end of a good book, I was in denial that it really was over. But I've come to terms with this fact and I'm excited for the next chapter of my life. I'm ready to live in the moment I'm in, to remember the things I've learned, to look forward to the future while not forgetting to look around right next to me. I'm grateful for the strength I've received and I'm ready to put it to the test. I'm ready to take on the world!